Dear Thief who stole my laptop in the Las Vegas Airport:

To the thief who stole my laptop computer in the Las Vegas Airport:

I know you can read this, because you have already hacked in to everything else that is personal on my computer. I just want you to know that there is a mechanism that tracks this computer, we know where you are, we know what you are doing and in another couple of days, if you do not return it, a bacterium will spew from my computer and disfigure you for life! I hope your little burglary made you happy, I hope you are enjoying all my pictures that I have collected over a lifetime, I am sure by now you know the pictures of my children are priceless and of course you know they were Russian orphans who I adopted and brought to this country with the promise that they would be safe and protected. Little did I know that you would steal every last image they have of where their life began. I hope you are enjoying things that would have no meaning to you, all my addresses, my documents, my personal history, including tax returns and bank statements. There are not many times that I use the word hate, but at this moment, I hate you; you are a small person with no conscious or heart who has wreaked havoc on my life and my children’s'. You have my address, please send my computer back to me, you have no use for the pictures or the documents; you have already taken everything that you thought valuable. Show some humanity!
Yours truly,

The owner of the computer you stole