Another one bites the dust

The kids had so much fun yesterday with their first fourth of July. The day started out with our little neighborhood parade, which I have never been to! I had to mapquest the parade route as I didn't even know where it started or ended! It was such a great parade, totally old fashioned with all the local high school bands, cheerleaders, drill teams and boy scout troops. It started out with a group of older men who were the "Son's of the Republic" These guys had to be at least 80 years old plus and dressed up in colonial war uniforms, and it was at least 90 degrees already at 9:00 am in the morning! I really thought they should of had an ambulance following them as you never know what could of happened, but I think they all made it to the end. There were lots of participants throwing out candy to the crowd and Chase was all over that, running into the street, gathering up as much as his little hands could hold; but who was the bright one who thought throwing chocolate bars was a good idea in such hot weather! He looked liked a walking tootsie roll after all was said and done! Caroline got such a kick out of seeing familiar faces in the parade, she saw several of her friends from school, one of her teachers and also some of our neighbors. They got their picture taken by the local paper and we'll have to see if they make it in. After we got home we spent the rest of the day in the pool and barbecuing! We ended it with watching fireworks from the backside of our house; we are lucky in that the country club down the street always does a 4th of July fireworks display and living so close, we get to see it pretty well. As Caroline told me, " this was the greatest day, can we do it again tomorrow?!

On to the hard stuff. Chase has been asked to leave and not return to yet another childcare provider. This is now the fifth one since we are home. Since our first babysitter left to pursue her internship two weeks ago, I ended up having to put both Caroline and Chase in the local ASI gymnastics studio. They offer what I thought was a great program for the summer and they are one of the only places like that that will take 4 year olds. Chase did pretty well his first week, we had a small issue the first day, but after that the week went really well. They were giving him his meds as directed and we didn't have any problems. This past week was a different story. Monday started out with them calling me and telling me to come get him, he was not listening, running away from his group, kicking and trying to bite the "coaches", generally being a real pain. I have to say, I was really surprised this was going on as he had been doing so well since he started on his ADHD meds and it seemed the impulsivity was really under control. I picked him up, we had a good talk about all these issues and he seemed to understand that this behavior was not acceptable and if he wanted to continue to go there, he would have to stop this. Tuesday, I dropped him off, got a call in the early afternoon that he was acting up again, I had them put him on the phone and I talked to him and the directer and they agreed to keep him for the rest of the day. The director said he did fine after I spoke with them. Wednesday we had no phone calls and it appeared he did really well. On Thursday, I again got a call in the middle of the afternoon that he had bit a coach and was totally out of control and I would need to pick him up immediately! At this point I am really upset, knowing Chase as I do, I know he is totally capable of what they described happening, but this behavior has not been seen by me in at least the past 6 months, there had to be something that precipitated it and the staff at ASI swear up and down that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. I truly don't believe them as he does not do this unless he is really worked up, so I tend to believe it was probably 75% Chase and 25% ASI. I picked him up and with no options of where to put or take him, I brought him to my office for the rest of the afternoon. I picked up Caroline at the end of the day and was told at that time that they simply could not continue to have Chase there as he was to difficult to handle.

I can't believe this is happening again. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I can't afford to stay off work any longer and I just don't have many options of what to do with Chase. The home daycare providers around here are awful, babysitters are too unreliable and we've gotten asked to leave at just about every other decent childcare place; the only places that are left are either full and we are on a waiting list or are just not accepting anyone until they have open slots. I never thought my life would be like this. Yes, I knew it would be hard and I knew there would be challenges, but none of the adoption related books I read prepare you for this kind of stuff and the reality of living with it. I love both of my kids so much and know that they are such awesome kids but the energy that I have to expend on Chase is unbelievable. Yes, he is so much better than when we first came home and it is better than it was even 6 months ago; but the impact this has put on me emotionally, physically, financially is incredible. I wish there was a magic answer to all this, but I can't seem to find one. I know it takes time, but how much? And what do we do in the meantime? Go bankrupt? Lose my house and everything that I have worked for? Those are not options. I have pieced together a plan for next week for childcare, but it all depends on so many factors, I just have to hope and pray that it falls into place. After that it's all up in the air until I come up with another plan. I simply cannot live with this uncertainty anymore. If anyone has suggestions, I welcome them. Sorry this has turned into such a depressing post, but it is what it is.

Jane