Monday, February 25, 2008

6 months!

Six months ago, my sister Gail and I were sweating it out in the hitherlands of far east Russia counting the days, hours and minutes until we could leave that God forsaken place. Birobidzhan had two great things going for it: My children and a local beer called "T". Not too much else. The people who were involved in the adoption process there are all wonderful, but if I never see it again, that would be just fine. It amazes me sometimes how people who speak of the wonderful care their children received while in the orphanages in Russia; my children were well cared for physically, but when I see the difficulty my son has with his behavior, I know that is a direct result of being in the orphanage system. He is on the extreme end of "attention seeking behavior". His behavior is stemmed in the fact that he never received any positive attention, the only way he knows to get someone to notice him is to behave badly. He figures any attention, even if it is negative is better than none. Could it have been so difficult for those caregivers to say "good boy" once in a while? To praise him for achievements rather than shower him with attention when he misbehaved? I realize that the system works on a shoestring budget, but it does not cost money to encourage a kid and build up his self esteem; and it does not take a rocket scientist to figure that out either! Yes the orphanages are spotless, we saw them ironing the draperies when we were there! but I think their time would be much better spent interacting with these children and giving them some positive emotional reinforcements. Granted an orphanage is not an ideal situation for any child to be in, but when they say they do the best they can with what they have, I don't buy it! I know I'm getting off on a tangent here because of my frustration with Chase, but really, if you are a person involved with adoptions in Russia and reading this; please take this to heart and work on the emotional well being of these kids as well.

Okay, enough about my frustrations. Six months is milestone and sometimes it feels like we have been together for 6 years and other times it feels like about 6 minutes! Our SW was amazed at the progress my kids have made in the time they have been home. She was here about a month after we got home and then again for our 6 month post placement visit. It's nice to hear someone notices the positive changes that have taken place, albeit small, sometimes we don't notice when we are around them all the time.

Caroline is doing very well. She is learning to read! I don't remember learning to read that early in Kindergarten, but that was a loooooooong time ago. I was surprised though that she is farther behind then her peers than I thought. I sometimes feel like I am pushing her through two years of preschool and 6 months of Kindergarten all in the past 6 months just to get her to catch up. What I did find out after speaking with her teachers (both K and ESL) is that it takes an ESL student 2 years to speak "social" language and 7 years to speak "educational" language. Caroline is having a hard time deciphering between letters, words and numbers. She can count to 100, but if you ask her to find "the number 76" on a board, she doesn't have a clue what you are taking about and would not be able to find it. She also doesn't understand words are made up of letters, when you ask her to read a word aloud, if it is not one of her "sight" words, she spells it for you rather than reading, or sounding it out. We've got some work to do but now that I have identified what the problems are, it's much easier to work on it. The good thing is, is that Chase is picking up on this and learning right along with Caroline and what a great preparation for Kindergarten for him in another year.

We have a big birthday celebration coming up next weekend; Caroline is going to be six years old! She is so excited and so am I. We are having a "Hip Hop Dancing Party" Caroline loves to dance and I really wanted a party that would include the boys she is close to in her class, so Hip Hop is what I came up with.
She is having her party at the dance training center for the Dallas Maverick (Pro Basketball Team) Cheerleaders and one of the dancers is teaching the class to them! I think it's gonna be so much fun! We're having pizza and Caroline wants a cupcake birthday cake so I've ordered one from Sprinkles. I've made up little favor bags for the girls with these cute, cute, cute hats that I got at a store called Justice - just for girls, and for the boys, I got visors with the emblem of their school on it, they will also both get sunglasses and friendship bracelets; all very "Hip Hoppy". I hope they like them! I think they turned out just adorable. It amazes me how these kids parties have gotten so big, I remember just coming over to someones house and playing musical chairs and pin the tail on the donkey! It shows you how old I am! And getting older, my birthday is two days after Carolines!

I'm sure there is a lot more that has been going on around here, I just can't think of all of it. I'm nursing a sore hip right now, I've had significant pain in my left upper leg for 6 months now and have been diagnosed with bursitis - isn't that an old person's issue? (can you tell I'm sensitive about my upcoming birthday?) Well the celebrex didn't work, so the ortho gave me a shot of cortisone in my hip today and ordered 6 weeks of physical therapy, I think the soreness of the shot hurts more than my leg now!

Jane

3 comments:

Lauri said...

You know I think many ap's tell themselves that their new child received such excellent care in the orphanage as some sort of self protected measure... as a way to buffer that harsh reality. We all want to think that our kiddos were loved & cared for and that it was just an issue of not having the means.

I agree with you... while my daughters baby home was clean & neat.. nothing can replace the one on one attention she was deprived of. I never witnessed meal times... but I can only assume it was not at a healthy pace by the tantrums & issues we had surrounding food.


We have been home two years.. we still struggle with those attention seeking/control issues. Many people tell me that Livi could not possibly remember her 16 months of early care.... she obviously learned some survival skills.


6 months is such a short time really.... I pray that things get better for your family.. your doing a greatjob

Rachael said...

What a fun little party you planned.

Hugs on the Chase issue. It sounds like you really have your hands full, but you seem to be handling it so well. Thank goodness he has you now to give him the one on one he was obviously missing.

Annie said...

We adopted our first son at age ten and he had been in the orphange from age 4. As people say, "he is an advertisement for adoption". He is cheerful, balanced, has great self-esteem, is kind, a deep thinker, spiritual...I could never ask for a better, dearer child. Frankly, I always thought he was ours to "screw up"! My guess is that orphanages are just like families. Some are good and loving, others are dysfunctional. Of course the child's nature has to be taken into account, too. Maybe Sergei just has the genes of a happy person! But his younger (by adoption)brother Zhen, likewise is one happy person. Anastasia, the third child we adopted was in her home (such as it was) until she was 6 and she is an emotional mess. But, I can't say that she would be more self-regulated had she been in the orphange longer. I THINK it is true, but nurture and nature are both important. If you are not familiar with Heather Forbes, please do check out:
http://www.beyondconsequences.com/
She adopted two children from Russia herself, and her philosophies are aimed at helping parents cope with children who have experienced trauma. IT IS SO HELPFUL. Good luck!