Wow, what a year!

I can't believe we have been home as a family for one whole year! I have been meaning to post some memories of our time in Russia, but the past few weeks have just been too busy for posting. Caroline and Chase have now been little Americans for one full year and what a year it has been. I look at them now and can't even imagine life without them in it. I do have to be honest though and there are times when I really would like my old life back for a brief moment, but those are on the days of extreme frustration and fatigue and those days are not nearly as frequent now as they first were. I always expected the kids to have difficulty adjusting to family life, but I never realized just how hard it would be for me to adjust to having two little ones completely dependent on me for everything.

It always amazes me that when I first started this adoption process, I wanted one infant girl and somehow I ended up with a preschool boy and a kindergarten girl. But I can't even imagine any other children than these, they were meant to be mine. So much has changed since I first brought these two home. The days of what I called the "CPS screams" toward the dogs are over. Chase actually says he wants to be a "doggy doctor" when he grows up. Chase's desire to beat the c*^%p out of me in Kroger are over, we can actually have a trip to the grocery store and not put Chase in the basket and he can walk thru the store without any incidents! This is HUGE progress! Both are pretty fluent in English, although Chase still has issues finding the right word to use. Caroline is at the top of her ESL class and have left the others to "eat her dust"! They are both doing so great in school, learning tons and making new little friends. Chase has turned into such an athlete! He is incredibly coordinated and loves anything to do with sports. Caroline is such a "girlie girl". She loves sparkles and glitz anyway she can get it! She is completely a diva and sometimes has the attitude to match! A fashion career will probably be in her future. They have both grown by leaps and bounds, I think they have both gone up 4 shoe sizes since I brought them home. Chase is about an inch taller than Caroline and he is 18 months younger, he is going to be a big guy and she will be a petite little thing. They are both due for their physicals next month and I'll get the exact measurements then. Both are healthy as horses, I think we only made one trip to the doctor this past year for a minor cold!

There have been so many firsts this past year, in fact they have all been firsts to me! Both my kids had their first birthday parties ever, they had their first trips to the dentist, their first days in school, their first taste of pizza and ice cream!
They celebrated their first Christmas, they "partied" for the first time on New Year's eve, they rode a bus for the first time. It's the first time they had as much food as they wanted to eat, first time they have their own rooms and beds! And best of all, the first time they have a family to love them, and that we do! If you ever consider adopting older children, I can assure you, you will not miss out on much!

Last weekend we celebrated our "Family Day". Toycha Gail came down from Chicago to be with us and we had a blast. We started out the weekend by doing our favorite activity - going out for pizza. The next day, Gail watched the kids while I did some much needed work on the house. Sunday, Toycha took the kids out for a bike ride, then some swimming. After that we took Caroline to Libby Lu for her big adventure - she got her ears pierced! This is something she has been asking for for months now and I promised if she improved her swimming ability by the end of summer, she could have it done. Well even though she is not quite the swimmer her brother is, she still has made great strides in that direction, so I let her go thru with it. She did great! After Libby Lu, we all went bowling, another first for the kids! They had a blast. We ended the evening with a trip to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants compliments of Toycha Gail. Monday we spent most of the day in the pool and then out to dinner with Aunt Mary and Uncle Skip. It was a great weekend and one we hope to repeat every September 1st.

I've put together a little slide show of the past year, starting with pics from our first trip to meet the then "Katya and Pasha", the trip to pick up the kids in Russia, and then some of my favorites from the past year home. Enjoy!

Summer Olympics 2020?

I really think I have an exceptional child! I know all parents think that, but Chase just amazes me with his swimming skills. He is not 5 years old yet, but he is diving, doing somersaults into the pool and swimming like a little fish! He has not had a single lesson and it just seems to come so naturally to him. Do I have another Michael Phelps in the making? Michael was raised by a single mom, had adhd and his mom got him into swimming because he was just so active, and look at him now! Boy I hope that's the case with Chase!

We are loving the Olympics, the kids are glued to the television. We especially like the gymnastics (Go Nastia! our hometown girl!), the swimming and the diving. And who knew that bouncing on a trampoline was an Olympic sport?! Maybe Caroline could have a shot at it too!

For a good cause

My blogger friend Rachel has asked us (okay, bribed us with prizes) to post a link to her etsy store where she sells some of the cutest things with a "Russia" theme. If you look to the left side of my blog, you'll see the pictures of some of her things, click on that and it will take you to her etsy store. All of them are handmade by her and her sisters, it's a real family affair! The proceeds from her store go to fund a project for an orphanage in St. Petersburg, Russia. At Christmas time, another blogger friend, Kate, buys presents with the money Rachel makes from her store, and delivers them to the children in this orphanage. If you have never been to a Russian orphanage, you will never understand the dire conditions these children live in; if you have been, then you will totally understand. These children have nothing to call their own, they share everything; so to give them simple things every child should have, is a luxury to them. Rachel's own daughter was adopted from St. Petersburg, Russia, if you skip over to her blog, you'll find tons of gorgeous pictures of her Katya along with her other beautiful children.

So take a moment to look around her simple wishes store and just to let you know... if you were wondering; I've got the ceramic mugs with the cyrillic writing on my Christmas wish list!

Creative Visualization?

It has been hot, hot, hot here in Dallas. We are in the middle of a Texas heat wave; today it is supposed to be 107 degrees! It's too hot to play outside, the pool feels like bath water; I've even investigated having ice delivered to cool down the pool, but it would take 4000 lbs. of ice to cool the pool 10 degrees! So we are trying to find things to do in the house to stay out of the heat. Caroline and Chase have decided that maybe if they think and play like it's cold outside, maybe it will happen. Every day they haul out all their winter stuff, hats, boots, gloves and play like they are in the snow, making snow angels in the hallway, creating snowmen with their large "Hippity Hops" and decorating them with stickers, pretending to have snowball fights with small balls by pelting each other with them! Anything that has to do with winter fun, they are recreating. Here is how I found Chase the other day:




In other news; we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary as a family! We just finished our 1 year post placement visit. It is so hard to believe that one year ago, my sister Gail and I were packing and finishing up last minute details to bring these kids home! It's almost two years to the date that I got my referrals for these beauties, what an incredible journey this has been.



I've decided that we'll be celebrating our "Family Day" on September 1st as that is the day we came home. Not the anniversary of our court date, I really didn't feel like a family on that day. For all you parents that are home, how did or would you celebrate your day? Did you have a big party? Did you celebrate with just your kids? Let me know some of the traditions you have incorporated into your special day.

Jane

My Tanya!

That's what Caroline and Chase said when they heard they could talk to you! We tried calling you tonight, but got your voicemail and I left you a message with our phone number. We can't wait to talk to you, call us when you get a chance.

For everyone else, Tanya was our translator in Birobidzhan. She is the sweetest person ever and we are so blessed to have her in our lives. My children absolutely adored her and still talk about her to this day! She is escorting the children from the Bridge of Hope program, which is a program that brings older Russian orphans to the United States for a month in the summer and gives them the chance to live with a family here and possibly be adopted by them. It's a great program and if I had a lot of money fall into my lap tomorrow, I would sign up for it!

Here is a picture of Tanya with Caroline from last summer, hope you don't mind Tanya!



Another picture of Tanya with Chase at the desky dom last summer:

Thanks to all

Thank you so much for all your replies and e-mails. I am so overwhelmed by the support. I have done several of the suggestions already. I used craigslist before, and after weeding thru all the freaks and losers that responded I found our first babysitter who was great (unfortunately she only lasted two weeks). I did place another ad this past weekend and only got one reply and she wanted $2000.00/month which is outrageous! I also put in a call to my SW and she basically had the same suggestions that I am already using, but she is on the lookout for someone/anyone that might work out. And a big hello and thank you to Julie! I had no idea you were reading along on this journey, Stephanie just told me a little while back that you had move to KC, how are you doing? She said you have three boys now???!! That is amazing! I would love to see pictures; you can find my e-mail if you click on my profile. I did fill out the form on the link you sent me and just today, they sent me a list of centers that might work out in my area. Unfortunately, most of the ones listed are ones we have already been asked to leave! But there are a couple that may work out and I will be calling tomorrow.

So far this week, things are falling into place thanks to some awesome people I work with who have brokered out their own kids to do babysitting! Chase is still having some issues, but I think it's mostly due to all the transitions lately, most of which he brought on himself, but he doesn't recognize that as a four year old and I just have to deal with them. For now, we are okay, but everything could fall apart tomorrow and I just need to get a backup to a backup to a backup! Which isn't easy!

Thanks again, and if you all think of anything else we might try, keep the suggestions coming!

Jane

Another one bites the dust

The kids had so much fun yesterday with their first fourth of July. The day started out with our little neighborhood parade, which I have never been to! I had to mapquest the parade route as I didn't even know where it started or ended! It was such a great parade, totally old fashioned with all the local high school bands, cheerleaders, drill teams and boy scout troops. It started out with a group of older men who were the "Son's of the Republic" These guys had to be at least 80 years old plus and dressed up in colonial war uniforms, and it was at least 90 degrees already at 9:00 am in the morning! I really thought they should of had an ambulance following them as you never know what could of happened, but I think they all made it to the end. There were lots of participants throwing out candy to the crowd and Chase was all over that, running into the street, gathering up as much as his little hands could hold; but who was the bright one who thought throwing chocolate bars was a good idea in such hot weather! He looked liked a walking tootsie roll after all was said and done! Caroline got such a kick out of seeing familiar faces in the parade, she saw several of her friends from school, one of her teachers and also some of our neighbors. They got their picture taken by the local paper and we'll have to see if they make it in. After we got home we spent the rest of the day in the pool and barbecuing! We ended it with watching fireworks from the backside of our house; we are lucky in that the country club down the street always does a 4th of July fireworks display and living so close, we get to see it pretty well. As Caroline told me, " this was the greatest day, can we do it again tomorrow?!

On to the hard stuff. Chase has been asked to leave and not return to yet another childcare provider. This is now the fifth one since we are home. Since our first babysitter left to pursue her internship two weeks ago, I ended up having to put both Caroline and Chase in the local ASI gymnastics studio. They offer what I thought was a great program for the summer and they are one of the only places like that that will take 4 year olds. Chase did pretty well his first week, we had a small issue the first day, but after that the week went really well. They were giving him his meds as directed and we didn't have any problems. This past week was a different story. Monday started out with them calling me and telling me to come get him, he was not listening, running away from his group, kicking and trying to bite the "coaches", generally being a real pain. I have to say, I was really surprised this was going on as he had been doing so well since he started on his ADHD meds and it seemed the impulsivity was really under control. I picked him up, we had a good talk about all these issues and he seemed to understand that this behavior was not acceptable and if he wanted to continue to go there, he would have to stop this. Tuesday, I dropped him off, got a call in the early afternoon that he was acting up again, I had them put him on the phone and I talked to him and the directer and they agreed to keep him for the rest of the day. The director said he did fine after I spoke with them. Wednesday we had no phone calls and it appeared he did really well. On Thursday, I again got a call in the middle of the afternoon that he had bit a coach and was totally out of control and I would need to pick him up immediately! At this point I am really upset, knowing Chase as I do, I know he is totally capable of what they described happening, but this behavior has not been seen by me in at least the past 6 months, there had to be something that precipitated it and the staff at ASI swear up and down that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. I truly don't believe them as he does not do this unless he is really worked up, so I tend to believe it was probably 75% Chase and 25% ASI. I picked him up and with no options of where to put or take him, I brought him to my office for the rest of the afternoon. I picked up Caroline at the end of the day and was told at that time that they simply could not continue to have Chase there as he was to difficult to handle.

I can't believe this is happening again. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I can't afford to stay off work any longer and I just don't have many options of what to do with Chase. The home daycare providers around here are awful, babysitters are too unreliable and we've gotten asked to leave at just about every other decent childcare place; the only places that are left are either full and we are on a waiting list or are just not accepting anyone until they have open slots. I never thought my life would be like this. Yes, I knew it would be hard and I knew there would be challenges, but none of the adoption related books I read prepare you for this kind of stuff and the reality of living with it. I love both of my kids so much and know that they are such awesome kids but the energy that I have to expend on Chase is unbelievable. Yes, he is so much better than when we first came home and it is better than it was even 6 months ago; but the impact this has put on me emotionally, physically, financially is incredible. I wish there was a magic answer to all this, but I can't seem to find one. I know it takes time, but how much? And what do we do in the meantime? Go bankrupt? Lose my house and everything that I have worked for? Those are not options. I have pieced together a plan for next week for childcare, but it all depends on so many factors, I just have to hope and pray that it falls into place. After that it's all up in the air until I come up with another plan. I simply cannot live with this uncertainty anymore. If anyone has suggestions, I welcome them. Sorry this has turned into such a depressing post, but it is what it is.

Jane

My little sparklers!

Working and babysitter issues

This working full time and being a mom is hard stuff! I am back to work full time for two weeks now and I have also gone to babysitter H*&l! I had a post all ready to go about a week ago on what a great babysitter I had found (after two others had backed out), how she is from Russia originally and is this wonderful, outgoing, smart, beautiful 20 year old college student. I felt like I was looking into the future a little with Caroline as the babysitter came to the U.S. when she was Caroline's age and she looked so much like Caroline. But, I deleted the post right after she called and told me she would be quitting the end of this week! Yes, she lasted a whopping two weeks! I can't really blame her as she got an internship back in Kansas (she goes to KU and was home for the summer) to work with behaviorally challenged kids; heck, she could have gotten her college credits and internship credit by just staying and working with my kids in my home! So, I am back to square one with childcare issues. I am going to have to piece them together for the rest of the summer, it will be a challenge, but I'll make it work.

Caroline is thriving in summer school! She is at the top of her class! Considering it is only 10 kids, I don't know if that is a great achievement, but I'll take it. She only has two more weeks, I kind of wish it went all summer since she is doing so well and loves it, but she probably needs a little break. After school is finished, she will go to the YMCA summer day camp and will get swimming lessons which she desperately needs, she sinks like a rock in the pool with no floaties on! So that will be good for her. Both kids are so sad that our babysitter is not coming back, they really liked her and she was so good with them. All I heard every day was how Ali is so pretty and she has 4 earrings in one ear and an earring in her belly button! Needless to say, Caroline now desperately wants her ears pierced. The reward for her if she learns to swim this summer is her Troycha Gail taking her to get her ears pierced! I just won't do it as I can't stand to see her in pain! Dear God, the girl starts crying when we are even on the same street as her doctor (she thinks she is going to get shots), even if we are just passing by!

That's it for now, keep your fingers crossed all these childcare issues fall into place!

We really need more testosterone in this house!

My little Texified Russian

Caroline has learned so much this past year in Kindergarten, she has learned her ABC's, counting, reading, writing, math, how a caterpillar morphs into a butterfly, how to play with other children, English and a whole lot of other stuff. But one of the most important things she has learned from her friends in her class, how to speak Texan!

The other day, she told me:

"Mama, I love your big ol' bottom"! (oh how I loved that one! Not!)
"Mama, are we fixin' to go to the store?"
and of course,
"Are y'all ready to go eat?"

All said with her Russian accent!

If only that Russian judge could see her now!

School's out for Summer! Kind of!

Today was kind of bittersweet. Both kids had their last day at school today, but for Caroline it will be short lived, she starts summer school on Monday. Her same Kindergarten teacher will be teaching it, but it will be at a different school. Caroline's actually really excited about it; she loves school, doesn't have a clue what summer vacation is and she loves her teacher, so it's a good thing! She'll also repeat Kindergarten next year and really be at the top of the class coming in, so I'm fine with it.

Chase also had his last day and I just looked at him today and am amazed at the progress he has made (really both kids). When I think back to last September when we first arrived home, and all Chase knew to do was hit me, bite me, kick me and pinch me; along with screaming Russian swear words at the top of his lungs. To see him sitting and watching a movie with his classmates, consoling another boy who was crying and helping his teachers put the room together for a party, was absolutely amazing to me. What a long way this kid has come! I stayed for the party and was given some pretty cool gifts from the teachers. They put together scrapbooks for each child with some of their artwork and also pictures that they had taken of Chase through the past 5 months. I scanned some of my favorites and here they are:

Here is Chase sitting in the front of the fire truck, refusing to get out!


This is Chase swinging exactly the same way he did when I met him at the Desky Dom


Doing his favorite activity: Eating!!


Getting into the astronaut outfit on a field trip to the planetarium

Perfect Attendance!

Caroline received a medal today at school for perfect attendance. She got to walk across the stage in their assembly hall and received her medal and then go to a reception and eat cake. I think she was more excited about the cake than the medal, but she was very proud of herself. I think the parents should get an award too! Caroline is not exactly a morning person and it takes a lot of effort to get her out the door everyday.

Chase is doing great with his medication. I've had to tweak the dosage a bit to get to just the right amount, but I think we are there. His teachers are just amazed at what a different kid he is. Things finally seem to be falling into place. It is so pleasant to pick him up and the teachers are telling me what a great job he did that day. It seemed for the longest time, all I got was a list of all the things he did wrong and how many time outs he was in. I am so grateful we seem to have found a solution to some of his issues.

Both kids are finished with school on Wednesday then they will be home with me for the rest of the week and then the babysitter starts next Monday when I go back to work. Hopefully we can squeeze a few fun things in this summer, maybe a trip to San Antonio or Branson would be fun for them, we'll see.

Summertime fun

We've initiated the pool this weekend and the kids are having so much fun, I have two water babies! Within a matter of days they have gone from looking like the "Michelin Man" with so many floaties on, and clinging to Mama; to wearing only the arm floaties and floating around by themselves. It is just a matter of time before they will be swimming on their own! The best part is, they are so tired at the end of the day, they actually ask to go to bed! Yesterday after swimming all day, we met their Aunt Mary and Uncle Skip for dinner at the Gaylord Texan; which is this great hotel/convention center near DFW airport. They were having a model train show and Chase just went crazy for the trains, guess this will be on his wish list for his next birthday! After we left, both kids were sound asleep in their car seats within 5 minutes; I knew this pool was a good investment when I had it built! Here are some pics of the weekend:


Water Baby 1

Water baby 2

Throwing pennies in the fountain and then trying to get them back!!

Waiting for dinner

Half asleep waiting for dinner!

Finally, someone is listening!

We met with the child psychiatrist last week and it took him all of 30 minutes to listen to me and watch Chase and tell me: "Your son could probably benefit from some low dose medication"! Dear Lord, I have been saying this for 8.5 months and finally someone heard me and saw what I see every day! The doctor put him on a low dose of Focalin and gave me pretty liberal dosing instructions. I can go up or down depending on his reaction to it. So far we are on the recommended dose of 2.5mg and it seems to be working. His teachers have indicated that he is listening, paying attention and following directions. His distractibility has decreased significantly and he will actually sit and watch sesame street for longer than 30 seconds! I haven't really seen any of the side effects which include a decreased appetite and sleeping issues, he still eats like a horse (two helpings of spaghetti last night) and sleeps just fine. We still have lots to work on, but this hopefully will only help.

Sick. Again.

I think my kids are carriers of every kindergarten and preschool germ possible. They, thank goodness very rarely get sick and if they do, it is for a very short time. Me on the other hand has come down with every single cold, flu, stomach virus and now strep throat out there! I never used to get sick before I had kids; I've had medical catastrophes happen to me, but never this constant icky, yucky sickness that I seem to have every few weeks. And I'm sick and tired of being sick!! I think the pharmacy must love me when they see me walk in, I think I am what you would call a "frequent flyer"! Oh well, thank God for antibiotics!

Chase finally got his psychiatrist appointment, yeah! It is scheduled for May 15th. Now I can only hope and pray they see what I and all the teachers at his school see. I never thought I would be so happy and excited for my kid to see a shrink!

Just a whole lotta frustration

Why is it so hard to get what you think is best for your child? I had the big follow up meeting on all the evaluations on Chase and basically they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. They would not come to the conclusion that he is ADHD. I don't understand why they couldn't see it. The kid moves constantly, has an attention span of a flea and cannot focus on anything for longer than 1 minute and yet they want to blame everything on where he has been. They recommended family therapy and parenting classes. Now come on, he is doing great with attachment, he has come such a long way with that, even they could not find anything "abnormal" with his attachment to me. But yet when it comes to his horrific behavior (and it has been horrible lately) they wouldn't/couldn't say that it is because he is constantly unfocused. How is he supposed to focus on being a "good boy" when he is physically unable to do so?? Needless to say I was really disheartened at the outcome of this and so was anybody and everybody that interacts with Chase on a continual basis. After I settled down from all this I called them back and had to basically beg for a different opinion; they finally relented and agreed after much discussion to refer him to their child psychiatrist for possible ADHD, but get this, we can't even get in until June, possible late May if they have a cancellation. In the meantime, while we wait to hear back when our appointment is, he is acting out terribly at school. He is back to using Russian swear words, calling his teachers the Russian word for B*%^ch! Even singing it at the top of his lungs! He is throwing things, not listening, running off, you name it, he has done it. And everyday, he comes out of school and tells me "I do better tomorrow mommy" and the next day it's worst than the day before. I don't want to seem like I am a huge advocate for drugging my kid, but where there is definitely a need, I would like to at least see it tried on him to see if it even works.

Sorry for the slow blogging lately, I know everyone has been calling and wanting to know the outcome of his evals, but I am just so frustrated/depressed about all this I just needed a little break.

This little boy is so beautiful and so special and has so much potential if we could just get beyond all this other stuff. I know there is an answer out there, they just make it so darned hard to find it!

Living in the real world

I had thought that maybe, just maybe since Chase has been doing so well for the past couple of months that maybe he might be able to go to a "normal" preschool next year. But if the past few days are any indication that we were out of the woods, I am sadly mistaken. Chase has been such a little "pill" this past week and not only at home, but at school as well. The days of the teachers telling me that he had a really good day, he was so helpful, he listened, sat and paid attention are gone for now. Hopefully they will come back. My goal for him is for him to attend a preschool with children who don't have significant issues and not get kicked out. The PPCD program he is in is fine, although Chase is probably one of if not the highest functioning kids in the class. They cater more to the more fragile kids and I think that academically he should and could be learning more. At 4.5 yo, he should know a lot more than he does and I don't foresee that he will get that if he stays in this program.

Chase had his big assessment with the Salesmanship Club on Tuesday. It was a long morning for both of us. After filling out a lot of paperwork, he had a brief physical by the nurse, he is so big, he is in the 90th percentile for height and weight! He passed the hearing exam, but was not cooperative for the vision exam. We then met with the director and found out what the rest of the morning would consist of. After that, he went into a room with the education specialist and she worked/played with him for about an hour. I got to sit in a separate room and watch thru a one way mirror. He was his usual self, constantly moving from activity to activity; the one thing that surprised me is that he wanted to know where I was, so the therapist had to bring him to me several times during his session, attachment is working! While I sat and watched him, the psychologist came and talked with me. She wanted to know what his life was like in the orphanage, what I felt his problems were, what my goals were with him; she even went so far as to ask me how I came to adopt, what my motivation was, and so on and so on. Why do the waterworks start every time I have to tell my "story"? I hate that. After time with the Ed. specialist, I was asked to go into another room and play with him and then the phone would ring and I was given instructions to do something else with him, this went on for about another hour, the whole time, we were being watched thru the one way mirror and videotaped. After we were done with that we met with the director again and I was asked how I thought it went. I told her they got a pretty good idea of what Chase was like, although not totally correct as he does pretty well when he is one on one with someone, it's when he is in a group setting like school or if I am not totally focused on him that he acts out. They plan on speaking with his teachers at the school and get their impressions of him. I have a follow up meeting with them next week Friday to find out what their findings are. The psychologist told me as we were leaving that she felt she could solve this "puzzle" of a boy. I hope so!

More news from our courtyard, she just keeps laying eggs and she is just a little bird; we are up to five today!

We are up to Quadruplets!

This is so much fun to watch everyday, how many can one little bird lay????

And growing some more!

Today there are three!